Luxury Prisons Planned for Banksters


Incarceration Without Inconvenience

Senate hearings* disclosed American bank complicity in money laundering for domestic and international organized crime groups. The news raises the hitherto unthinkable possibility of jail time for banksters.

This is good news for the luxury hotel industry. Anonymous sources report that the Four Seasons and Kempinski hotel chains are readying business plans to reconfigure selected hotels to offer “incarceration without inconvenience,” or I-Wi for short. Banksters convicted of money laundering, rate rigging and fraud will have the option of going to a privatized, luxury facility to serve their sentences. 

Unlike accommodations offered by public sector facilities (such as minimum security locations where tennis courts are often in a state of disrepair) these privatized prisons will offer multi-room suites, room service, large screen TVs, laundry service, yoga classes, visiting chefs, golf and wi-fi. Prisoners may bring their own clothing.

Prisoners will be permitted to leave for overnight stays not to exceed once a week for board meetings, medical appointments, religious events, Super Bowl attendance and bespoke suit fittings.

The public benefits are enormous: Tax dollars will not be spent to house, feed, clothe or provide medical care for banksters.  Instead, all costs will be paid by the banks and/or seized from bankster bonuses paid since 2002. Late payments will incur fees and 22% interest penalties. 

*For more, see “HSBC’s head of compliance steps aside” on the front page of the Financial Times (July 18) or the latest on Libor-gate: “Congress Is Told Libor Flaws Persist” in the Business Day of The New York Times (July 18).

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