Professional Bank Robbers Attack Banksters


Differences between banksters and bank robbers

The International Brotherhood of Bank Robbers (IBBR) claim Barclays Bank and JPMorgan Chase have done more economic damage since 2007 than the combined total of all bank heists in the history of modern banking.

A spokesperson for the IBBR elaborated: “They are banksters. We are professionals. They endanger the worldwide economic system by stuff like rigging interest rates and constructing shaky derivatives. When we rob a bank, depositors lose no money. The stock market doesn’t crash. Once we have the cash, we spend it locally and stimulate the economy.  And if we screw up, consumers do not suffer and we never ask for bailouts.”

Membership in the International Brotherhood of Bank Robbers is limited to professionals who have participated in a major bank robbery or seen Bonnie and Clyde more than six times. The IBBR offers members online seminars on alarm system technology, getaway car evaluation and wealth management.

The term bankster–an amalgam of banker and gangster—was first used in radio sermons the 1930s by Father Charles E. Coughlin. He was an ordained priest with a perfect radio voice and a mindset that could make Rush Limbaugh blush. (Coughlin blamed the Depression on Roosevelt, Jews and Communists.) Bankster went into linguistic retirement until 2009 when resuscitated by Liaquat Ahamed’s book, The Lords of Finance. Rumors persist that HBO is readying a mini-series called The Banksters with cameo appearances by Jamie Dimon of JPMorgan Chase and Bob Diamond, until recently the top guy at Barclays Bank.

 

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