The School for Scamsters


If you can’t beat them, be a consultant. 

$F$  My epiphany moment came today. There it was, dollar signs shining in the sky. Intelligent Design  at work, but I too insensitive to see a Higher Purpose guiding my research into techno scams: Be a techno scam consultant, dummy! A growth industry, unhampered by serious regulation, supported by the Internet powers, protected by the telecoms we know and the banks we bailed out. I am ready. Rules for a techno-scamstering business:

1. Establish simultaneous operations in three or more states. Also establish an offshore office in Canada, India, or the Cayman Islands. For spoof numbers, Area Code 307 (Cheyenne WY) is friendly and trouble free—you can establish a business address there with ease, even join the local chamber of commerce.

2. Obscure your name and telephone numbers. Register personal numbers with Do-Not-Call. (Just kidding.) 

3. Hire attorneys with expertise in defenses for alleged violations of cyber law, fraud and false advertising claims. Be sure they review your telemarketing scripts and website copy.

4. Study FTC regulations and current cases. If summoned into Federal Court, do not show up. Best way to avoid perjury is not to answer questions. Pay no-show fines as a cost of doing business.

5. Contract with credit card processing companies that will “strip” transactions to hide origin and transfer points. (“Stripping” is phrase started by Lloyds of London when it hid origins and destinations for clients.)

6. Use large telemarketing companies with robo-call and robo-fax automation in a state different from yours. Acquire calling lists with high percentages of people over 65 and under 21. 

7. Offer people who answer their phones option to remove names from “the list”. That allows you to put it on other lists.

8. Choose Internet domains by adding or subtracting a letter or symbol from an existing name with a high visibility rate.

9. Do not declare income from operations: Avoid paper trails.

10. Hire hackers to deal with critics.

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