Tag Archives: JPMorgan

Taxpayer Bailout For JPMorgan?

JPMorgan making headlines it doesn’t want you to read Tweet

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Jamie Dimon's "Remote Event" Defense

Jamie Dimon’s “Remote Event” Defense

What does “remote event” mean in Corp-Speak? Jamie Dimon told congress the JPMorgan Chase $3 billion loss was a “remote event.” Given the worshipful regard for Dimon by both the financial community and the US Congress, Jamie Dimon’s words deserve scripture-like scrutiny. The key word is remote. Remote varies with context: Psychologically it means out […]

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Jamie Dimon's Newest Title

Jamie Dimon’s Newest Title

JP Morgan Board Reaffirms Faith In Jamie In addition being CEO, President and Chairman of JPMorgan Chase, Jamie Dimon has been named God by the Board of Directors. The new title is     aimed at restoring public confidence in JPMorgan Chase after its $2 billion credit derivative “bad bet” loss, which analysts now estimate […]

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Jamie Dimon Passes Stress Test

Jamie Dimon Passes Stress Test

Exclusive Consumerist Manifesto Interview How could you lose $2 billion? Stuff happens. Besides, I didn’t lose it. Some of our sloppy employees made bad judgments. We’ll take care of it. The loss is now said to be $3 billion and counting. What’s up? A billion sounds bigger than it is. Trust me, where I come […]

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Bernie Madoff: Is He Now A Consumerist?

Bernie Madoff: Is He Now A Consumerist?

Or is Bernie the new Bonnie and Clyde? During the Great Depression, bankers were held in low regard by most of the country. After what banks had done to most folks, they liked the idea of B&C robbing banks. 80 years later, we consumerists hope for tougher regulation of and more transparency from the financial […]

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