Trump The Consumerist


How Trump could start his turn in tonight’s debate:

My job tonight is to once again show the American people the difference between me and these nine guys. [Pause, look to right and left.] Their real constituencies are the people who sign the big checks to fund their campaigns. The donors are investing in access to them as President of the United States. I don’t need donors. My only constituency is the American people. There will be no campaign donors calling me to get what they paid for.

I have one prime constituency: American consumers. You are really the engine of our economy. You come in all sizes, ages, colors, ethnicities, religions, and incomes.

I will be your Lobbyist In Chief.

That’s because you have one thing in common: large corporations abuse you. Many of these corporations are funding the campaigns of the nine other guys up here, as well as the Democratic Party’s candidates. So you the people need a lobbyist like me as Trump the President.

I am the only candidate who can promise there will be no corporate CEO dialing my phone to remind me of what I owe him or her. [Hold up cell phone.] Although I might call  some off them. I have a lot of their numbers.

And what will I do for consumers? I will start by directing agency heads—like Justice, Agriculture, and Finance—to report consumer abuse examples to me and recommend actions I can take or they can take—to correct and punish abusers. And then, each and every month, I will report to you the people what I have done to reduce consumer abuse.

 

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