Beat the Hidden-and-Delayed Fee

Remember how The Mob once sold “protection”? Offered deals “too good” to refuse? Comcast has modernized the old protection racket: The Comcast Protection Plan replaces rough stuff with the hidden-and-delayed fee: If a non-protected consumer has a problem with Comcast cable TV reception, a techie visit starts with a $28 fee. But what if the visit is to fix what Comcast broke?

Why a technician shows up is of no matter to Comcast’s Billing Department. Techie shows, you pay if not “protected.” With 9 years of Comcast experience, the latest techie needed 4 minutes to determine my pixilation problem* was from Comcast broadcast problems or poor main line maintenance.

Either I sign up for Comcast Protection or pay for what Comcast breaks. A call for service is an opportunity for Comcast to collect what I call the “hidden-and-delayed fee.”

How Comcast Plays the Game: Keep the fee off the form a consumer signs when the techie finishes. Delay notice of fee. Add it to the Comcast monthly statement, which is seen long after the service. Funnel inquiries through the Billing Department during its 40 working hours Monday-Friday. Route questions to a Comcast overseas outsource operation. Transfer to Comcast USA only under duress.

Consumerist Takeaway: After a Comcast techie is done with a service visit, call Comcast Billing a few days later to check for a charge. My call was outsourced to the Caribbean outsourcer that said the visit triggered the $28.10 hidden-and-delayed fee because I lacked protection. I insisted on transfer to Comcast USA, which waived the $28.10 fee. (Comcast outsourcers do not issue credits.)

*See my April 22 post, “Comcast Wants Me to Risk My Life.”

The Consumerist Manifesto Handbook is based on my 40+ years of battling with corporations that disappoint consumers. It humorously approaches corporate treatment of consumers and seriously advises readers how to get compensation for bad products.

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Bailout Reminder Leads To Fee Cancellation 

My wife says please call Bank of America’s toll-free number to reorder her checks. System starts with “English or Spanish” query. Next I get by a 12-digit code with no hyphens between numerals. But her Social Security number undoes me, even though I get 8 of the 9 numerals right.

An operator comes on. She figures out I am not my wife who must give authority for me to reorder checks. My wife tries but the process is more inquisition than authorization. My wife gives up and asks me to try toll-free again. It might have worked had the system not answered in Spanish.

My next call goes OK until the BofA system says the check pattern my wife had is not available: It says go to the website or let BofA choose the pattern. I press choose. It stalls until the BofA plot is clear: Wear down callers so when the $34 new checks fee announcement comes, it will seem a small price to end the call and get the checks.

Instead I press O until I get a live operator and say I have had it with BofA. First you guys almost sink our whole economy with your tainted assets game. We the people bail you out. Are you grateful? NO! You design a crazy-ass system to reorder checks rigged to torture us into agreeing to another fee. How did you come up with $34? Have a manager call me tomorrow to cancel the fee or lose the account.

She said please hold on. She was back quick. The manager said to cancel the fee and  order the checks.

Consumerist Takeaway: Understandably BofA is sensitive to reminders of how they needed us to rescue them from themselves. It may not last beyond the presidential election, so grab it while you can.

Note: The Consumerist Manifesto Handbook has a more about battling banks. It can be ordered from yur independent book store or as

A book or NOOK from Barnes & Noble.

A book from Amazon.com: Amazon.

A download to your iPhone, iPad, computer or iPod from Apple.

COMCAST Better At Detecting Than Correcting

To fix its latest pixilation problem, COMCAST wants me to climb a two-storey ladder, find a way up a steep slate roof and check the third floor COMCAST cable connection. Last week two COMCAST technicians were needed to install the connection. (One held the ladder steady.) On Friday this Comcast message appeared on my TV screen: 

       We’ve detected an interruption in your service.

       Please check the connections…

       We’re sorry for the inconvenience…

       Call 1-800-COMCAST.

COMCAST is a leader in the movement to transfer customer service to customer self-service. Comcast’s message should say, People, if it breaks, you fix it. I don’t have a two-storey ladder—and even if I did, I ain’t climbin’ that ladder!

That COMCAST toll-free number starts with four options. Each connects to more options until the options are overridden by repeatedly pressing 0. Eventually I was connected to a technician. But he was not a pixilation guy. He transferred me to the COMCAST line handled by the Comcast Apology Department (CAD). It excels in sharing consumer pain—not removing the cause. CAD assured me getting it fixed was an urgent priority: It arranged for service to come in 6 days. Urgency has its limits.

If any of you are thinking of inviting me over to watch TV this week, don’t bother unless you can show written proof you are not a COMCAST subscriber. 

Bottom line: I get full credit for all the days until the cable works perfectly. Two months ago I got a $41.15 credit for faulty Comcast Internet service.

Comcast Quiz: Why is COMCAST trying to knock me off? Answer: Customers like me must be dealt with. A satisfied customer is one they never hear from.

The Book Cover

Note: You can read more about corporate techniques for avoiding service in my The Consumerist Manifesto Handbook, which can be ordered from your local bookstore or as

 A book or NOOK from Barnes & Noble: Barnes & Noble

A book from Amazon.com: Amazon

A download to your iPhone, iPad, computer or iPod from Apple: Apple iTunes

Banks to collect fees before credit cards are used

The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau is changing its mission. The agency was formed in 2009 to protect consumers from exorbitant—and often hidden—fees. That role posed a problem for those banks that now want to sign up consumers with poor credit card histories. Solution? Change the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau’s mission from protecting consumers from banks to protecting banks from consumers. Mission accomplished:

People with “impaired credit records” or “tarnished credit histories” are a risky bunch, but they are also perfect targets for Fee Harvester Cards, a bank product designed to collect highly profitable fees—the processing costs only pennies—that build a cushion for defaults sure to follow. The new upfront fee is collected before the card is ever used, like a $25 fee for a card with a $300 credit limit.

The banks worried that the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau would object to this latest fee scheme. However, with the once troublesome Elizabeth Warren out as bureau head, the banks hoped her replacement, Richard Cordray, would be more cooperative. Was he ever! The CFPB said nothing, thus letting the banks have their application fee.

For more, see the New York Times, Consumer Bureau Declines to Resist Upfront Credit Fees of April 13, page B1 by Tara Bernard.

Personal Note:I am a deadbeat. Banks call credit card holders like me “deadbeats” because we pay in full each month to avoid huge interest fees. You can read about winning bank battles in my

Available from Barnes & Noble as a book or NOOK by clicking http://bit.ly/yyfrMQ

or as a book from Amazon http://amzn.to/Aj1Grp

or for Apple’s iPad or iPhone http://bit.ly/wqz2Er

Even Paranoid Bloggers Have Enemies

Minutes after my March 25^th post went up, my blog site was hacked down. Probable cause points to the group featured in that post, which announced the co-winner of the Outstanding Techno-Scammer Award for 2011. That makes two hackings in six months by two different techno-scammers.

Weeks before the latest hack job, the “hacker of interest” made several visits to my website. Specific attention was on an earlier post about the techno-scammer’s offers to “help” consumers get grants of large sums of money for a large fee.

Who can blame scammers for hacking what I report? They have a good thing going. They know it and take advantage of it. Laws are being broken but government agencies have other priorities, which makes enforcement more emblematic than real. Corporations and organizations are reluctant to get involved when their logos are illegally used to lend credibility—like watching a mugging but not reporting it. Political candidates ignore the growth of techno-scams because consumer causes are not seen as useful issued for winning elections or primaries. The consumer is on his own.

But for a consumerist, this is a battle worth fighting. So let’s see what happens this week.  If you get this post, confirm receipt by hitting the thumb-up “Like” button.  

Next I will resend that blog post that announced the co-winner of the Outstanding Techno-Scammer Award and incited the retaliatory hacking. Again, confirm receipt by hitting the “Like” button.

Thanks for your help. 

Mutual Benefits Ties For First Place

Techno-scammers* seek privacy and avoid publicity. Why would they want attention to the good thing they have going?  They like the scant law enforcement by federal and state consumer abuse regulators. They have perfected the art of offering “near-scams.” They are a growth industry.

So many scams to choose from, but only two qualified for the 2011 Outstanding Techno-Scammer Award. The first winner is Mutual Benefits. It was already ahead with an assist from the Greater Cheyenne Chamber of Commerce. When I told the GCCofC that the Mutual Benefits’ website was illegally using the GCCoC logo as an endorsement, GCCofC’s signed up Mutual Benefits as a paid member. But when I tried to announce it two weeks ago, my blog was hacked down. Maybe it was a coincidence that Mutual Benefits was repeatedly visiting the blog site. I’ll return to that subject later this week–unless of course the hackers do it again.

Back to the award: I am uncertain whether GCCofC broadened its criteria for membership or if Mutual Benefits is legitimate enough for GCCoC. It will not disclose how it vetted Mutual Benefits. I’ll give the GCCofC a chance to explain net week. The other winner will be announced in a few days.

Consumerist Takeaway: Mutual Benefits makes robo-calls (many in violation of DNC regulations) about supposed “grant money” for consumers. MB claims its staff in Cheyenne will determine—for a fee of $9,995—qualifications based on a consumer’s answers to 40 questions. The operation appears “virtual.”

See for yourself. Call Mutual Benefits’ toll-free 877-551-5548 to ask about the grants deal and who is working in Cheyenne.  Let me know what you think: Scam? Near-scam? No scam? 

________________

*A techno-scam mixes phone calls (often Internet based), faxes, email, standard mail, and Internet sites to sell products and services more imaginary than real. It uses virtual addresses and spoof phone numbers to avoid unwanted attention. A few techno-scams are “near-scams” that sell worthless reports and certificates that lend a semblance of authenticity if dragged into court.

¤ CUSTOMER SERVICE DEPARTMENT RULES¤

 Before entry, you must:

Prove you tried to use our website first.
Speak softly and carry no sticks.
Make no threats.
Abandon all hope. 

After exit, you will cooperate:

                                              To improve service quality,                                                       volunteer to participate in a short survey
about your experience today.
Say nice things.

Comcast Wins Outstanding Customer Disservice Award for 2011

Were Comcast’s contradictory service solutions for my technical problems part of a corporate plot to win my Outstanding Customer Disservice Award? If so, congratulations, Comcast, you did it!  After a Comcast house call to install a new XFINITY modem and new router, problems increased.

Comcast toll-free service techies had other ideas: 1-Unplug the router because it confuses the modem. 2-Turn off Apple Airport because it might help. 3-Find something else to do during rainstorms because, if the outside wiring gets wet, stuff happens to the Comcast Internet feed.

Recently I got an experienced Comcast Techie who is day-by-day fixing the problem. I shall not name him. Revealing his identity would land him in the Comcast Re-Education Camp for wasting time to undo the work of well-intentioned but under-trained colleagues. He is on the case: Drops are down to one or two a day, rain or shine.

Consumerist Takeaway: Successful Comcast Customer Service depends on the luck of the draw. Customer disservice rises when outsourced to overseas call centers and/or techies new to Comcast systems and English as a spoken language. Also, overseas calls dance on the edge of a technical precipice into which they often fall because of a weak signal or a techie who needs a cigarette break.

If you get an outsourced Comcast call center, insist on connection to Comcast in America—preferably in Delaware where chances improve to get an experienced techie like mine. Ask for dollar credits as compensation for lack of services.

Apple Wins The 2011 Award

One symbol of success is missing from Apple’s corporate headquarters: The Chinese flag shown above. As it should be, the American flag proudly flies at Apple HQ in Cupertino, CA. Time now for a Chinese flag?

Apple is the greatest American business success story of the 21^st Century. It employs 43,000 American workers, a shining star in the gloom of tough economic times. But not enough has been said about how Apple has contributed to the economic success of China: In 2011 Apple hired 8,700 Chinese engineers and 20,000 other employees. Apple outsourcing also resulted in 700,000 part-time jobs for Chinese workers.*

Apple’s outsourcing accomplishments are not limited to China. Apple has improved the lives of workers throughout the world. Therefore Apple’s mastery of job outsourcing deserves The Consumerist Manifesto’s Fly The Flag Proudly Award. Hopefully Apple will put up another flagpole to commemorate the honor. Idea: Invite the Chinese Ambassador to hoist the flag. He probably could get Apple a big flag at a low price.

*For more on Apple’s outsourcing, see The New York Times, How the US Lost Out on iPhone Work articles on January 21, 2012 (and correction of January 24).

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/22/business/apple-america-and-a-squeezed-middle-class.html?_r=2&hp

Guess who decides whether you get your prescriptions…

Why did my 2 prescription refills not arrive? The CVS/Caremark system’s Auto-Voice promised the RXs would arrive in 7-10 days. 14 days later, CVS Auto-Voice said both were cancelled.  

CVS/Caremark toll-free systems push customers into automated answers and website systems for answers to questions like, What the hell happened to my prescription renewals? Stick with live people in CVS/Caremark Customer Care for untrue but at least imaginative explanations:

Reason 1: Doctor Approval: CVS said because one Rx needed doctor approval, both RXs were canceled. The idea is to make the customer think there is no other alternative but to start over. I chose the consumerist path: Give me a manager, please. 

Reason 2: Blame Another Corporation: The manager said CVS was following the rules of the AT&T Healthcare Plan over which CVS/Caremark has no control. He said call AT&T. Nope. Give me CVS corporate, please.

Reasons 3-5: Cost, AR, Error: I was transferred to Michael of the CVS/Caremark Resolution Dept. He first said the Rx cost was above the AT&T limit of $500. When he looked further, he realized the Rx cost of $258 was below the limit. The light dawned on us both: CVS/Caremark Accounts Receivable decides stuff like this. He promised to “order” CVS/Caremark Prescription Services to immediately fill and overnight both…Nice try: They added a week more. 

Consumerist Takeaway: CVS Accounts Receivable determines whether you get your CVS RXs—and if anything goes wrong, the customer has to figure it out. Suggestion:  Send refill requests directly to CVS/Caremark Accounts Receivable.

Note: I am keeping Michael’s last name confidential because there is no telling what AR would do to him for revealing how screwed up they are. In The Consumerist Manifesto Handbook—here comes my commercial message—Customer Disservice like this gets a humorous chapter with an insider look at how customer service works these days. For more about the book, tap The Book in the Navigation Bar above or order  from 

Barnes & Noble: Barnes & Noble or from Amazon.com: Amazon or Apple iTunes.

Seed Imp© to the rescue!

Responses to my Feb 9 post (about Whole Foods Seeded Jewish Rye Bread sold without the seeds) have inspired the design sketched here. A self-help problem solver, it hinges together two molded pieces of high-impact, transparent, dishwasher safe plastic. I call it the Seed Imp©.  

Instructions:

–Place device on a hard surface and open.

–Insert desired number of caraway seeds, pointed tips up, into seed side. Be inventive: Make patterns like a loved one’s initials or the ¤ sign.

–Place one slice of unseeded rye bread into bread tray.

–Close and press bread into seed bed.

–Count slowly to 5.

–Open.

–Gently loosen and remove bread slice.

–Insert the next slice of bread and repeat steps 2-7.

Troubleshooting: If seeds resist entering bread, check seed alignment. (For best results, use fresh, un-toasted rye bread.) If problems persist, hold two sides together. Firmly tap device against your knee or  gently hit device with a rubber hammer.

Note: Whole Foods has yet to comment on my letter about the absence of seeds in their seeded rye. No surprise: Whole Foods has not answered previous letters about the presence of seeds in their seedless watermelons.

Commercial Message: Recently published,  The Consumerist Manifesto Handbook is based on my 40+ years of battling with corporations that disappoint consumers. The approach makes fun of corporate abuse of consumers and shows readers how to get compensation for bad products and services. Order

as a book or NOOK from Barnes & Noble     

or as a book from Amazon.com: Amazon   

or a download to your iPhone, iPad, computer or iPod from Apple: Apple iTunes

For more information on the book, tap THE BOOK in the Navigation Bar above.